Bisi Akande and The President Who is Always Right By Lasisi Olagunju

By Lasisi Olagunju

Chief Bisi Akande issued a statement last week. He said he loved the president so much he wept because Muhammadu Buhari could not show up at a wedding. When old people weep, then the situation is serious. Were those tears of love or of power and the complexities that spice it? Do elders shed the kind of salty tears ordinary ones like you and I shed when overwhelmed? Akande loves the president so much he issued a long statement that started with a kiss and ended with a threat. All of us want Buhari to be well. His health is the health of the nation, so declared Akande. But Akande spoke further about 2017 not being 1993. What did he mean? Did we have a sick president in 1993? Or what does 1993 represent in our living history? I know there was an election in 1993. It was annulled and there was war. Who lost that war and who were the ultimate victors? Is there an election this year? Or is anyone planning an annulment of something we don’t know? If a war comes in 2017, whose war would that be? Can we ask Akande to step out more clearly? But I know 2017 is not 1993. Beyond the figures, there was Ibrahim Babangida in 1993; there is Muhammadu Buhari in 2017. Babangida was Maradona, master dribbler. But unlike Maradona, he dribbled too much and forgot to score what would have been a golden goal. He was found wrong and guilty. Buhari (with his Movement) can’t be questioned now or in the future because he can’t be wrong. He is like Messi, even when he misses goals, his fans applaud him. When this Messi is tired in the 90th minute, you don’t think it is over for him, he still takes deadly shots. I hope all of us take note that a sick Buhari scores goals, even if he has to use the hand of God to do it.

So, can I speak my mind? Can I say that you are wasting your time if you join agitators seeking President Buhari’s resignation or exit from power because of his health status. The last time you had malaria, did anyone ask you to resign from your work? For agitators and haters of our president, nothing other than ajekun iya will be their lot for their subversive demands. You are miffed because Buhari has decided to slow down, appearing and disappearing. During the campaigns, did he promise you he would run the race of four years as a hundred meter dash? He was elected by fifteen million Nigerians. Were you among those who voted for him in that election? Have you seen those who elected him complain that he is not doing what they saw in him ab initio? Are they tired yet of his pace, style and language? Can’t you see the hand of God in this Buhari who has not done anything wrong in the last two years? Or are you too young to know that Nigerians are never patient with failing leaders? Have you ever seen any leader accommodated so cozily as we have done this president? Or are you saying we don’t know what we want in our leader?

He is like Donald Trump, very lucky and he flaunts it. You can’t judge him using the standard of the past. Can you remember that during the campaigns, US President Trump spoke about doing the unthinkable and getting away with it? Trump declared that he could shoot someone at his own rally and he would not because of that lose one vote. He didn’t have to do it to lose the election. Saying it was enough and he said it and nothing happened. He followed up with several other gaffes and got nothing but applause. And he was elected and has effortlessly been moving from one controversy to another without consequences. Even what I call controversy would be labelled scandal if traced to some other persons. But Trump is too good to be involved in scandals. Scandals are for his unwell opponents. He flies above anything negative. Like Trump, what really can Buhari get wrong that will make us divorce him? Nothing!

It is difficult to understand but it is the uncommon luck of Trump to fail and get praised. Very few share the star with him. Muhammadu Buhari is one of them. The Nigerian president gets nothing wrong. He does nothing wrong. Even when a difficult word is wrongly pronounced by the loved, someone close by will blame you for not hearing him well. There is always someone or something to take the bullet on behalf of the special one. He goes to the stream, breaks the gourd but the road gets blamed. The pot gets blamed if he cooks and burns the yam of the whole house. If his pounded yam is riddled with bumps and blisters, the mortar and the pestle caused it. He is a special creature, the favoured king who wishes it and gets it. Someone said it is divine favour to write an exam and be asked to mark one’s own script. This president holds the knife and the yam. If you insist you belong to nobody at least you would belong to yourself. He doesn’t even have to do well to be praised. His praise barn is full already. When you are favoured, even your enemy manufactures excuses for you.

Every week I read of wives who file for divorce because their husbands shunned their nightly embrace. Husbands complain very loudly from their bed chambers of suffering from absentee wives. But our president is seen only while praying on Fridays. Yet those wives and husbands fighting dirty over common bedroom abandonment would ‘understand’ why the president has to be seen only on Fridays. You and I join the stampede to watch and clap for the morning star with its unusualness. Are we fools? I don’t think so. Didn’t our ancestors say that a star that chooses the morning skies to come out deserves to be watched even by elders?

For the love of the president, we choose what to remember and what to forget. You remember Buhari was in China last year? You remember the national celebration that followed the disclosure that our president was introducing the Yuan into our economy? Currency Swap they called it. We danced and sang and danced. You remember we all yelled ‘to hell’ with America and its imperialist Dollar? You remember how we shouted down the wailing Wailers and their cynicism. You remember what our minister of news, Lai Mohammed and the CBN governor, Godwin Emefiele, told us on that occasion? You can’t remember? I cannot too. At least, if there is any dashed hope, the failure isn’t that of Buhari. It is the failure of our memory. He didn’t promise Yuan. Check the campaign records.

Check the records since May 29, 2015. This president is always right. The Naira was 150 per Dollar when he came. Then that currency joined the Wailers to embarrass itself. It dropped its value to 400 per dollar. It wasn’t Buhari’s fault. It cannot be his fault. Blame the currency and those who managed it before May 2015. Buhari gets what he wants even if you and I feel he shouldn’t get such in a democracy. He gets it and his fifteen million clap for him. You can’t do anything about it. You can’t fight him and win. Very few leaders are that blessed. They don’t do what others do. They don’t fear what others fear. There is no public opinion, they are the public. They don’t just go when and where others go. When enemies conspire to dance and mock their absence, they stroll out and shut up the haters. They know how kings become deities and fathers become ancestors. They are the men of power who are ever right, never wrong. They are their own masters. They serve no one. They are Generals who won’t lose wars. Fortune is their bedmate.

Buhari is a special candidate. He may be absent from class for as long as he likes. He may not even write exams. He cannot have bad results. Failure is not his portion. He cannot even fail. The script is for him to mark. So, if you are a hater, don’t waste your time complaining. This president won’t die before his time. And he won’t go because of your noise. If you like, consult history and compare 2017 with 1967. It is your problem, not his. Threats of protests from Lagos won’t move a thing. A four-year tenure is a marathon. He won’t run it with a dash. It is like intimacy matters in the other room. Easy does it!

TRIBUNE (Monday Lines)