The modern day marriage has lost the process and procedure of investigation before marriage. It is necessary to do all within our disposal to revive this important valuable elements to make the institution become more effective again in our midst.
It is disheartening to notice that as good as this first conjugal benefit is, many are deprived of such enjoyment. The pillar of companionship broke in many homes and gave way to hatred, mistrust, and selfishness between the couples all as as result of improper orthorough parental investigations on who to marry.
The process and procedure of instigations before marriage may be called “old school” or any other names as one deem fit or prefer, but what I know is that people of old used to conduct thorough investigation with and make due consultations on the families one is marrying from before proceeding with other marriage procedures and this has helped our parent to have successful marriage and families in there days.
In marriage, I have watched a lot of young people making mistakes because they often assess their spouse during marriage – courtship only based on the outside values. It is a very important point to note because a lot of issues are involved when we talk about marriage.
Or, have you imagine a man who married a beautiful young lady who is a witch? Or what of a young lady who married a handsome, but AIDS -patient young man who did not inform her about his health conditions before they went into marriage? I believe you must have seen or heard about several cases like these in your vicinity.
This is why I subscribe to thorough parental investigations of the two parties who intends to go into wedlock before the wedding day so as to avert the much troubles that comes from this actions.
Today, modernity and civilization have thrown out this important element of investigation into the wind. But, there are things we should not civilize or modernize or forget in our culture. Investigation before marriage is one aspect of our culture that we must revamp and re-embrace if we want to have peace in our marriages.
It is when we have peace in a high percentage of our marriages that we can have peace in our society, because the family gives birth to the society. To stretch this further, it is the society that gives birth to the government, which supposed to take care of all the institutions in the country.
Unlike before when there are few cases of divorce or break up, we have a high rate of divorce and separation in marriages because, today, those who go into the institution of marriage used to omit this valuable and inevitable point of investigation-before-marriage. Isn’t it funny to hear that our youths are making choice of marriage-partners through the internet?, to the extent that they pick wedding dates without ever physically known each other?
To me, this is the highest point of madness of modernity and civilization. How on earth do we expect such Internet – marriage to work in the first instance? If not for grace of God, normal marriage that followed due process and procedure, has all the potentials to fail than to succeed. In other words, it has been the grace of God for any marriage to work even for those who used to have long time of courtship that afford couples to know and understand each other before marriage!
Many couples that are engulfed in such problems begin to regret their marriage. No sooner they marry than their love and intimacy disappear, faithfulness is gone, sincerity is dead, and the couples becomes unpredictable and reckless in dealing with each other, the absence of marital joy without any explanation including couples complete reticence about home, marital and relationship affairs reduce each of them to complete loner without any ray of hope.
The signs of separation then sets which point to cracks in such marriages and at times reveal potential signs of imminent home collapse. Among the signs are: constant complaints, malice, keeping of vital secret from each other, emergence of new confidant, harsh and sarcastic words, couples dashed hope in catalogues of expectations, individualistic way of life, quarrels and occasional exchange of blows between the couples which is barbaric and primitive in nature. This is a disgrace to any decent home, all as a result of ‘jump for wrappings’ or appearance when young men and women make a non investigative choices of marriages – partners.
Today, I dedicate this write up to young men and women as well as recommend it to everyone who want to go into marriage because what goes into marriage is more than the display of emotional love or appearance assessment.
Adunni Adesola writes as he celebrates the two year wedding anniversary today.
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